it has recently been brought to my attention that this blog is overwhelmingly negative in it's perspective on my life. and I recognize that. yes, it's true that regardless if I'm unemployed or employed, frightened about the future or not paying much attention to it, my demeanor on the web-log remains the same. and looking over the last months of posts (what would december be without reflection?) the allegation is proven true. So to my critics, yes I have a steady job, a decent income, a loving spouse (who is making dinner as I write), and a nice historic apartment and thus I have very little reason to complain. Sure I'm gaining weight and losing my hair and I don't care for my current job, but I probably won't do any worse than this for the rest of my life and I shouldn't waste my youth complaining about wasting my youth. So thank you, critic, and I will remember this while I drink my champagne (not of beers) and play board games with other couples tonight. So as my first full-year of blogging comes to a close, I apologize for the negativity, and hopefully I'll give you something worth reading in 2006 while the rest of you, like myself, read this blog at your desks, looking for something to read and clicking over to your spreadsheets whenever heads bounce above your cubicle wall.
Oh, and I would like to recommend The Squid and The Whale, to those of you looking for a good movie to see. It's currently playing at the UICA.
Saturday, December 31, 2005
Monday, December 26, 2005
it's like...
christmas in a submarine
Xmas '05 has come and gone. If I hadn't been told; I wouldn't have known. Good Riddance, I say. Although xmas with xtina and not working at the xian services has been good, I'm not sure where everyone is today and I'd like something to do. No, I'm not complaining about being bored when I have one day off of work. My itenerary today:
8.58 - wake up
9.00 - "rosanne"
9.30 - "rosanne"
10.00 - shower
10.30 - "mad about you"
11.00 - pace nervously and try to get self motivated to do something, watch "price is right" instead. get frustrated at recent computer problem.
12.00 - lunch
12.30 - get groceries, run into nick and brooke
13.15 - bring x-tina lunch
14.00 - wash car
14.30 - call everyone I know (I'm even willing to go to Holland, folks!)
15.30 - play around on computer, write this blog post
I don't think I'm actually bored, I simply don't think I've been alone in a while. I like it, and I miss it when I can't have it, but I would like to do something I don't do every week.
On the "plus" side, I once again have something to look forward to: I have recently acquired Silver Jews tickets. I loves me those jews. Just three months until the concert. Until then, let's consider my escape plan from GRusalem.
Xmas '05 has come and gone. If I hadn't been told; I wouldn't have known. Good Riddance, I say. Although xmas with xtina and not working at the xian services has been good, I'm not sure where everyone is today and I'd like something to do. No, I'm not complaining about being bored when I have one day off of work. My itenerary today:
8.58 - wake up
9.00 - "rosanne"
9.30 - "rosanne"
10.00 - shower
10.30 - "mad about you"
11.00 - pace nervously and try to get self motivated to do something, watch "price is right" instead. get frustrated at recent computer problem.
12.00 - lunch
12.30 - get groceries, run into nick and brooke
13.15 - bring x-tina lunch
14.00 - wash car
14.30 - call everyone I know (I'm even willing to go to Holland, folks!)
15.30 - play around on computer, write this blog post
I don't think I'm actually bored, I simply don't think I've been alone in a while. I like it, and I miss it when I can't have it, but I would like to do something I don't do every week.
On the "plus" side, I once again have something to look forward to: I have recently acquired Silver Jews tickets. I loves me those jews. Just three months until the concert. Until then, let's consider my escape plan from GRusalem.
Monday, December 19, 2005
101 ways to enjoy god
After what I considered a much-awaited weekend I find myself not rested, but awaiting the next long weekend; promising myself, as I have time and time again, that I will make something of the time I have. My Christmas weekend shouldn't be too busy and perhaps I will rest, but how do I view/define rest? And what is doing "something?" I suppose I should discover what "something" is.
I'm feeling more alienated at the office with each passing 8 hour unit. The chaplin sent an email on how he would not be politcally correct but instead wish twice as many individuals a "merry christmas." Today I received a book "101 ways to enjoy god." How does one "enjoy "god?"" The book is filled with suggestions from listening to music to lighting a candle to raising your hands." Aren't they suggestions on enjoying one's self in relaxation? it's all in your head.
Yesterday was family christmas. We sat around the table of compromised vegetarian food and engaged in the time-honored tradition of bitter resentment and half-handed comments to undermine each others confidence and remind us why we don't do this more often. We keep our mouths shut and anger subdued when gifts are exchanged.
With each passing week I become inches more removed from what I love - as well as my ambition and promise of contentment. I see myself and those around me all waiting for our next respective moves. I remember in speaking to a man in his forties who was in the same situation. And my thoughts turn to him again as another one of my college friends moves away. Somehow I know I'll be the last one in town.
I'm feeling more alienated at the office with each passing 8 hour unit. The chaplin sent an email on how he would not be politcally correct but instead wish twice as many individuals a "merry christmas." Today I received a book "101 ways to enjoy god." How does one "enjoy "god?"" The book is filled with suggestions from listening to music to lighting a candle to raising your hands." Aren't they suggestions on enjoying one's self in relaxation? it's all in your head.
Yesterday was family christmas. We sat around the table of compromised vegetarian food and engaged in the time-honored tradition of bitter resentment and half-handed comments to undermine each others confidence and remind us why we don't do this more often. We keep our mouths shut and anger subdued when gifts are exchanged.
With each passing week I become inches more removed from what I love - as well as my ambition and promise of contentment. I see myself and those around me all waiting for our next respective moves. I remember in speaking to a man in his forties who was in the same situation. And my thoughts turn to him again as another one of my college friends moves away. Somehow I know I'll be the last one in town.
Friday, December 09, 2005
every 15 minutes...
...an era ends.
I went out to m'gans with metal, peter, and nick last night. Now I'm sitting around doing nothing, half-heartedly cleaning, opening and closing the refridgerator repeatedly searching for something to eat. Last night was a night of optimism: peter the poet, nick the filmmaker, myself the... oh what was that again?
As I get older I find it more and more difficult to "get into the christmas spirit," if such a thing exists. Despite hours looking at the snow, plugging in my single strand of christmas lights that wraps around over half of my living room, listening to Vince Gauraldi, I can't help but feel that it's just like the day prior. Normally I wouldn't want to delude myself with any sort of artificial emotion but, as you know if you're a long-time reader, I'm trying to find a way to separate weekday from weekday, week from week.
I have a dozen items on hold for me at the library. I haven't picked anything up yet because I have enough to do. The librarian is wondering why I'm always at the library but won't pick up my stuff.
The word of the year is podcast.
I went out to m'gans with metal, peter, and nick last night. Now I'm sitting around doing nothing, half-heartedly cleaning, opening and closing the refridgerator repeatedly searching for something to eat. Last night was a night of optimism: peter the poet, nick the filmmaker, myself the... oh what was that again?
As I get older I find it more and more difficult to "get into the christmas spirit," if such a thing exists. Despite hours looking at the snow, plugging in my single strand of christmas lights that wraps around over half of my living room, listening to Vince Gauraldi, I can't help but feel that it's just like the day prior. Normally I wouldn't want to delude myself with any sort of artificial emotion but, as you know if you're a long-time reader, I'm trying to find a way to separate weekday from weekday, week from week.
I have a dozen items on hold for me at the library. I haven't picked anything up yet because I have enough to do. The librarian is wondering why I'm always at the library but won't pick up my stuff.
The word of the year is podcast.
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