each morning is the morning after

x-tina and I went out on the town last night. damn you long island night at mulligans. got loaded and saw her cousins favorite band. I didn't realize how loaded I was until we got home.

I am at the beginning of a long and painful process.

I woke up with a hangover. I ate a pancake. I watched two episodes of "rosanne" delaying taking a shower and starting the day. Laying on the couch just seemed, well, easier. I answered my phone mechanically, unable to actually make a move from my own will. He died this morning, months earlier than expected. I haven't spoke to anyone. And now I'm sorry. god I'm selfish.