computers are logical; I am not

Personal progress is always assumed. Why, then, does it seem as though I'm regressing? When I was a younger man I had the ability of confidence and opportunity. The only conclusion I've come to in post collegiate self-discovery is my own fragility. Some days I'm convinced that I can do nothing without another entity directly telling me to do so. How high, sir? Some days all I can focus on is the passage of time. Seconds pass at the same rate regardless if all I'm able to do is debate sitting vs. standing or I'm flying at the sun. I am paralyzed by my own fragility. 1's and 0's can't explain how I feel today. I used to accept and process ceaseless information careening in my direction; now I have to create the illusion of such a whirlwind. And how do I return to a situation long past by my own anxiety-driven movements? I am the acquaintence of myself to which I look at my watch explain I'm late for a meeting. And bitching about it only discredits me further. Some day I will feel "comfortable" again. Buzzing of my alarm, hot shower-cold shower, coffee in the pot - I can segmentize, compartmentalize, but I cannot create something new and feel sealed or tightened. I am not a self-made success, but I'm doing all I can to ruin my chances.