lonely rivers flow to the sea

Hi folks. I know it's been a while since I last wrote. The truth is I was withholding writing another post until I had some very good news to report. I couple of weeks ago I believed I was close to this but after what I believed to be an outstanding interview my calls are not being returned. For a time I got my hopes up and believed that by getting employed in what I could classify as 'dream job,' all the feelings of loss could be resolved - also, we could get out of our freezing tiny apartment sooner than later. And I refuse to believe these things happen to me because I 'don't pray hard enough.' The truth of the matter is... I am humiliated. Almost six months in a city of three million people and I'm jobless. The very thought that potential employers are calling references of mine I haven't seen in six months is embarrasing.

Since my last post not too much has happened. We didn't go home for christmas, instead we walked from our apartment to the magnificent mile and downtown. The city was abandoned. I took photos that day and the day prior - you can view them here. This holiday season felt less like christmas than any in memory - but that's another depressing post I decided not to write.

I finished 'the devil in the white city.' Afterwards I drove to graceland cemetary to visit my favorite characters and chicago magnates. Next time the weather gets warmer I'll go to jackson park and soak in the site. Next I may finally get around to reading 'the great gatsby.' sorry karl.

Tonight Xtina and I will be seeing Ryan Adams in concert at the house of blues. It will be the first event we've attended since moving. I received the tickets as a present from my mother. I can't wait but I'm afraid xtina won't enjoy it as the show will be starting when she normally goes to bed - and she has to get up at her usual time to go to work the next morning.

We've watched four hours of american idol in the last two days. I've always loved the first round (embarrasingly, because it is unrepentantly low-brow) but this season I have different feelings about the tone-deaf. Maybe on some level I relate to their rejection - their high hopes and certainty being systematically crushed. It didn't help the comparison when christina likened my singing that of the young man in seattle last night who sang 'unchained melody' by the righteous brothers.